Life in Hell

Here's an oldie but goodie:

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was
wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a
lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then On Mondays all we do
is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and
Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from
all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer,
no biggie You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack,
roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well,
you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't
mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a
submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who
cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his
situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"